THE GREATEST GIG

1

Coughed up into normal space, the Elegant Slipstream, rolled in the light of a cold blue Sun, giving the passengers and one First Technician a show worth dying for – cascading relativistic auras. While the rest of the crew busied themselves with transition mechanics Chrystal enjoyed a forward lounge with a drink in her hand and a plate of genuine Terran truffles. Unless one of the Yelephant monks decided to use the humanoid facilities again she didn't have anything to do except watch the passengers and the show outside.

Greatest gig in the galaxy, starship plumber. Or Biological Waste and Recycling Management Technician, but plumber worked and was less of a mouthful.

Speaking of mouthfuls, another truffle was in
order. Studying the plate, her light suddenly was blocked. Chrystal looked up. Great. One of the passengers. She didn't even know the species on this one. Humanoid, mostly. The cluster of wiggly blue, red and tan tentacles at the top of the shoulders didn't exactly count as a head. The tentacles started out tan in the outer-most ring, longer and rougher looking. The red made up the innermost ring and looked almost pornographic. Were the black dots at the ends of the blue tentacles eyes? Who knew?

"Yes?" she asked, not knowing if the being would understand.

A translation bracelet on its disturbingly human-looking arm spoke up. Thought-controlled? Or was it making noises outside her range of hearing? "Pardon me. Are you a member of the crew?"

As if the blue coveralls and embroidered name didn't give it away. But with so many species one couldn't always tell what counted as fancy dress. She'd seen beings that thought wearing still-dripping bloody skins was the height of fashion.

"Yes. But I'm on a break."

"Excuse me, you are broken? Do you require medical assistance? Should I call the Steward?"

The volume of the bracelet needed to be dialed down. "Jeez. Keep it down."

Chrystal stood up and stepped closer, smelling something like ginger. Not bad. Too bad she couldn't tell where to look at this being. She was taller than it and looking at the absence of a head was too disturbing. She focused on the intricate weave of its textured black shirt. Looked like some sort of artificial polymer.

"Look, what is it that you need?"

"I was using the facilities back there for the purpose of defecation –"

"That's what it's for."

"– and something odd happened." The passenger interlaced its hands together. It appeared to be waiting.

"I need a little more than that. What do you mean something odd happened?" She raised a hand. "Without getting too gross. I see enough shit as it is. I don't need that kind of detail. And if this is a medical odd-thing, then I'm not the one you should be talking to."

The bracelet sounded distressed. "I am in perfect health and do not appreciate the insinuation that my condition would be otherwise."

"Jeez, I wasn't saying that. Sorry. What was the problem?" Passengers. Greatest gig in the galaxy, but sometimes the passengers could be the greatest pain in the arse. And she was missing the show outside. Any moment now the relativistic cascade would surge and then the backwash would pass over the ship. She didn't want to miss it.

"The disposal mechanism appeared to be jammed. It did not function properly."

"Okay, great. I'll fix it. You did the right thing reporting it." She pointed at the huge transparent lounge wall. "But watch this, okay?"

The relativistic auras increased in activity. Fractal patterns exploded into view, spread, multiplied, spanned colors only seen in dreams. It became so bright that many beings looked away even though
the screens wouldn't allow any harmful radiation through. It was a birth-of-a-universe moment, only in this case the Elegant Slipstream was the universe. The CrunchBang drive collapsed the ship and everyone aboard at the departure point only to explode out at the destination point. Chrystal understood plumbing, not the drive, but she appreciated this moment when the ship was reborn in normal space. The trick? Don't think about the "crunch" part.

At the moment the auras became their most intense the entire show vanished. For a long three seconds those that could hold their breath did. The passenger beside her didn't twitch a tentacle where its head should be. Then a blinding wash of activity appeared and swept over the ship.

Chrystal popped a truffle into her mouth, chewed and washed it down. "We're back. I'll fix the loo. Enjoy the truffles, if you can."